Knowing Thyself

If someone lies to you, murder him and lie about murdering him.. Maybe that's what I was doing all these years. And when I come to the point of finding my own guilt, then I would realize,"Every  snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.. Which snowflake should I punish..??" That's what we are. We can judge everything but never ourselves.

Before beginning something, I always say to myself that I shouldn't do anything stupid this time. But, I have never known that I'm thinking to do something stupid because I wasn't thinking about what I should but what I shouldn't.

I felt strange gravity as I grew up like loosening those fingers, one-by-one that bound me from my birth. It had never occurred to me that our lives which had been so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed. If I would have known, maybe I would have kept tighter hold of them and not let unseen tides pull us apart (Referring to my 2 best buddies) and that maybe the reason why I decided to be unorthodox,"A man who sings for his bread and likes his bread."

I always thought that PROMISE is a big word. But, when life itself didn't promise you.. nor God, then why did I believe in You rather than Me..!!

Some said they'll never leave.. LIE.

   Some said they'll love till death.. LIE.

Life is made of such sweet lies and what matters is how you face the time you finally realize those were just lies. You may ask,"Wouldn't life be much better without these lies..?? " But, the truth is, the times you lived on those big lies were the only times you actually lived.

I always believed that the early bird catches the worm but it's the second mouse that gets cheese. And I was pretending that I'm the one that's getting cheese but never knew that I was worm. And I thought that it was fate written by God. But, never knew this:

                God speaks to those who takes time to listen and

                He listens to those who take time to pray.

          

I was always busy in praying for what He gave and for what He didn't but never heard Him. In this process, I forgot my own shadow and when death, dark shadow were always walking by my side.. aren't they enough to stab me in the back if they are standing behind..?? And at last I thought to myself that in my clear shadow all things will be purified.

First Love

Play this track first and enjoy the reading.

I wasn't sure why Taj is called as Symbolic of Love. It wasn't built in memory of Shah Jahan's first love. Then second..?? Nah.. but third. If first love itself is first and last love then I guess Shah Jahan wouldn't have built Taj and we would have missed a masterpiece.

I was wondering why people get up-side-down when they fall in love. Like a flower, waiting to bloom and.. like a desert, waiting for rain. I thought those lines are perfect in some romantic movies but not in a practical movie until I got a bite from that mosquito. And you know, there is something interesting about them too.

Basically all repellants work by interfering with the proteins. But when Anopheles gambiae and Aedes aegypti (Dengue and Chickengunya causing mosquitoes) bites, they produce OBP ( Odorant Binding Protein ) and when they are inhibited, the protein cannot recognize odor molecules, which means the odors will never be transported to the olfactory receptors that direct  mosquitoes to the HOST. And HOST doesn't stop there instead it spreads like Thalassemia ( Blood disorder disease that is caused by weakening and destruction of RBC ).

Maybe something like that happened in me too. When so called Love is inhibited, it directly reaches host. There are proteins ( Friends ) to let us know before it reaches host but we act odorless.

                 

There are stories of coincidence and chance and intersections and strange things told and which is which and who only knows.. and we generally say, "Well, if that was in a movie, I wouldn't believe it". Strange things happen all the time and that's how I met my FIRST LOVE. It happened because it was just meant to be.

                           
You know, sometimes things are so transparent and they don't need any evidential proof. But, they may... just be an illusion. And we think that  destiny, soul mates, true love and all that childhood fairy tales are just nonsense. But, I think I forgot one thing here and that maybe,"It was just me that she wasn't right about."

I wasn't sure about my time when I fell in love but in the end I was sure about my time that I have spent.. has some value for me. We maybe through the past but it maybe worthless when it ain't with us because it can't be hidden where there is no place to hide.

Well, I don't have SIGNATURE in my hand..rather, as said earlier there will be stories of coincidences I guess..like this one:

She Saw Me With A Doubt,

Then I Thought No Doubt,

I'm OUT. :P

Because,

  "Things Which Are Equal To The Same Thing Are Equal To Each Other."

Unexpressed Love

I got into the bus. I was looking back out of the window and remained staring till I lost my persistence. He stood in the middle of the road with his pale face and I felt something that I never felt before in these 20 years of my life journey.

                  

I was leaving home and I know that the dining table will miss a chair. Everyone was around me. Mom was worried about my journey while Dad just stayed calm and I didn't dare to look into his eyes because I knew that I can't handle that LOVE.

It was send-off time. It's a kilometer to walk from my house to the road. I stepped forward and didn't look back rather I should say that I can't dare to look back because......

I passed 100m and don't know where he came from, but he was beside me. I called his name (KARRY) and he ran like anything. Never saw that LOVE before. Wished that GOD has sent him to me. Felt why GOD creates boundary for every thing that HE has created. We walked on and I didn't feel that I was alone walking on the mud road passing the green fields.

That 20 minutes of walk to the road.. that 20 minutes of walk across the green fields.. that 20 minutes of walk away from the village.. that 20 minutes of walk along with my dog.. and that 20 minutes of my walk has made me feel something deep inside... It's something that I'll never forget in this life.

I reached road and was waiting for the bus. I know that I'm going to miss everything that passed in my mind in that 20 minutes. But, as I said earlier, "GOD HAS CREATED BOUNDARY FOR EVERYTHING THAT HE HAS CREATED." Mean while, I was sitting waiting for the bus to come and he (KARRY) came before me and started licking. I don't know what to say to it. Felt that it's easy to deal with HUMAN LOVE. I just kept my hand around his neck and I know that I can never show that much LOVE.

I saw the bus. It was slowing down and my heart. . . It was time to leave. I got into the bus. I was looking back out of the window and remained staring till I lost my persistence. He stood in the middle of the road with his pale face and I felt something that I never felt before in these 20 years of my life journey.

I said everyone that I was leaving home but I forgot the one who loved me more than anyone else to say goodbye. I think of human bonds that changes color often but never understood why that UNEXPRESSED LOVE remains constant.